Wednesday, July 13, 2005

This is too delicious: The Vaccine Aliens

This is just way too amusing to let one blog hog it all; so I'm muscling in on Skeptico's turf for a moment. (Sorry, Skeptico; I hope you're not offended. I attribute this right up front to you. Thanks.)

Skeptico has a little fun discussing a novel by Raymond W. Gallup entitled The Vaccine Aliens. It's about a father whose child develops autism after getting the MMR vaccine and then who later stumbles upon a plot by shape-shifting aliens--yes, shape-shifting aliens--to destroy the human race with vaccines (no doubt plotting to add that evil thimerosal to all vaccines--even the MMR vaccine, which has never had it). I kid you not. I'm telling you, you can't make stuff like this up (but apparently Mr. Gallup can). A description:
"This story by Ray Gallup, set in a fanciful mode, carries a message elemental, truthful and powerful. A rapid and ominous deterioration is taking place in the health of our children, of which the increasing incidence of childhood autism is just one of the markers. Unless we identify and correct the causes of this deterioration, we may soon pass the point of no return as a society. There is no issue facing America today that carries greater urgency. As stated or inferred in Gallup's story, prime suspects in causing this health deterioration include current childhood vaccine programs as well as the cumulative effects of potentially toxic environ- mental and commercial chemicals in the air, food and water." Harold E. Buttram, MD, FAAEM"

I join Skeptico in soliciting casting suggestions for a movie based on this novel. Tom Cruise, of course, must play the father. There is no other good choice. I also agree that Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. should have a role somewhere. But who else?

ADDENDUM: I forgot to ask: Who should direct the movie?

20 example(s) of insolence returned:


At 7/13/2005 11:02 PM, Anonymous HCN said...

There is a list of possible characters in http://photoninthedarkness.blogspot.com/2005/07/mercury-nostalgia.html (Prometheus)... Here we have a bunch who can say "I'm not a real scientist. But I play on on the Internet".

I am thinking Jenna Elfman for Teresa Binstock. Hmmm... perhaps John Travolta for the "I wanna be a bio-chemist, but I'm just a chemical engineer" Andy Cutler (or Albert Enayati... or it could be a dual role). Kristi Allie could be Lyn Redwood.

 

At 7/13/2005 11:22 PM, Blogger Prometheus said...

Since I'm terrible at remembering actors' names, I have another suggestion. How about making it a "docu-drama" and having everyone play themselves?

In my experience, there is nothing as revealing as seeing one of these characters in full-on rant mode. By giving them all the rope (er, film) that they want, they will almost certainly hang themselves. Once they see the real people behind the sound bites and the well-chosen quotes, the public will drop them like a white-hot potato.

Just remember how little it took to turn the media (and the public) against Howard Dean - one little scream, caught on tape, and he was a has-been. The people involved in the autism-mercury conspiracy (the conspiracy to politically connect two things that are not, in fact, connected) would make Howard Dean's famous scream look like the model of sober rationality.


Prometheus

 

At 7/14/2005 12:24 AM, Anonymous Susang said...

I think a special guest appearance by the Hitler Zombie would be in order, don't you?

 

At 7/14/2005 12:39 AM, Anonymous Lynn said...

But the question is, are these the Scientology aliens, and, if so, why are they (very slowly) eliminating their "children"?

 

At 7/14/2005 1:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prometheus has a good idea there. Maybe we can send them all
Gallup, Mr. I See Aliens,
the Geiers the tweedles, father and son,
Redwood, so lovely and concerned,
Bernard, so wealthy and concerned,
Rimland, getting old,
Hayley, Mr. Mercury,
Buttar, Mr. Slick,
Bradstreet, walks with god,
Kartzinel, call me "Dr. Jerry",
Cutler, buy my book,
Blaxill, has that MBA and nice teeth,
Sircus, crazy, but DEEEP,
Wakefield, gotta love the accent,
Kirby, Advocate, what Advocate?,
Krakow, Bob, esq.,
Rollens, just wants to help,
Handley,a "Rescue Angel" (tm),
and
Binstock, little league scientist...
and Tom Cruise, remember he played Rain Man's brother:

to an island and do a survivor thing. Tom Cruise will provide clearings or whatever they do in Scientology, he can talk Aliens and mistrust of medicine with Gallup.

I want to see what happens when , pretty boy, Mark Blaxill doesn't have his latte and Wall Street Journal and I want to see Sircus and Buttar (who recently "parted ways in friendship") and Andy Cutler and Rimland and Kartzinel and the rest battle it out for the best "chelation protocol".

Handley is like a born again Christian, as is Bradstreet. Blaxill is a serious agnostic and doesn't like god talk, Sircus has some kind of "spiritual" life, as does Buttar, who is Muslim.

Blaxill counsels, "don't put all your hopes on mercury" and Handley says it's absolutely, totally, all mercury, all the time.

Redwood probably gets cranky without her manicure and how long can Bernard go without writing a check? Kirby looks like he doesn't really like any of these people.

I think the first thing anyone will do is yell "shut up" at the Geiers and then Bob Krakow will set up a law office under a palm tree so they can sue each other.

Wakefield will try to blend in with the ferns. Binstock won't know what to say, unless she can correct some point of fact, then they'll yell at her to shut up. Eventually, the fighting will turn to antivax themes and they will throw rocks at David Kirby for saying that he likes vaccines.

We could have Kennedy and Imus on their, too, for more texture.

That's how I see it anyway.

If they catch it all on film it would be great. Everyone at the CDC and IOM and several universities would buy copies of the tape and we could fund programs for autistic people with the procedes.

 

At 7/14/2005 2:07 AM, Anonymous sysiphusian tax said...

It could be done this way,

Have the real characters play characters in the book turned movie,

think the old Godzilla movies, maybe in Black and White.

Lyn Redwood, the nurse who cares,
Mark Blaxill, as the investment counselor with a heart of gold,
Teresa Binstock, as the local health food store clerk who sells EDTA and Glutathione capsules as well as organic coffee for enemas,
the Geiers, as the newly reacquainted father and son, separated by a nasty divorce and some roving carnival grifters,
David Kirby, as the intrepid boy reporter,
Sallie Bernard, as the wealthy mother of triplets, one of whom is autistic, torn between her career and motherhood,
Buttar, has a bakery,
Cutler, sells used cars,
Rimland, old family doctor with a heart of gold,
Bob Krakow, as the lawyer just now discovering his conscience at mid-life.
JB Handley, stock analyst by day, youth minister by night.
Mark Sircus, the first shape-changing alien, works for the CDC. Bobby Kennedy Jr,, 2nd shape-changing alien works for the EPA.

Gift box DVD with little toy shape-changing reptilian aliens (descendents of Alfred the Great and Charlemagne).

 

At 7/14/2005 2:18 AM, Blogger Autism Diva said...

Mentions Autism Diva, but more importantly... genetically engineered foods cause autism, thimerosal causes autism too, ask the widow of Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead).

Autism Diva was trying to figure out why she had so many hits coming from New Zealand and found a blog...

 

At 7/14/2005 2:57 AM, Blogger JM O'Donnell said...

If you can believe certain people, GE foods can turn you into a potato and any other horrible effects including cancer.

I really wonder how some of these people get out of bed in the morning.

 

At 7/14/2005 4:43 AM, Blogger Kev said...

This is brilliant. Surely there's someway they could get David Kirby in to write the screenplay?

 

At 7/14/2005 4:49 AM, Blogger Ahistoricality said...

I hate to break it to you, but wasn't that an X-Files plotline? In other words, it's been done. Of course, that never stops movie-makers (in fact, I'm starting to think it's a requirement for big studios)....

 

At 7/14/2005 7:43 AM, Blogger Orac said...

I'm not sure it was this plotline in the X-Files. I thought the aliens in the X-files were using some sort of virus.

In any case, thanks to Skeptico for the link.

 

At 7/14/2005 9:41 AM, Anonymous Doodlad said...

I think Shyamalan would be the perfect loony... I mean, director, for that movie.

 

At 7/14/2005 12:53 PM, Anonymous Don said...

Kid: "I see shape-shifting Aliens giving questionable vaccines to the children of earth!"

Bruce Willis: "Where?"

Kid: "E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E..."

 

At 7/14/2005 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anthony said...

Oliver Stone to direct. The aliens might even land on a grassy knoll.

 

At 7/15/2005 4:35 AM, Anonymous Hydrargyrion said...

Every time I read about the upcoming antivax/autism rally and where they are meeting I think "grassy knoll" .
--------

http://www.momsagainstmercury.org/rally.htm

WHY? Because we know the truth, and it is time our voices are heard even louder!

WHERE? West Front Grassy Area Capitol Building, Washington, DC

WHO? Various and sundry antivax bizarros thinly veiled as antimercury lulus.
------

Is Paul Reubens available to direct?

 

At 7/15/2005 8:19 AM, Blogger Orac said...

Yeah, all the usual suspects will be there, depressingly.

 

At 7/16/2005 7:16 AM, Anonymous PaulP said...

'Tis a pity Sterling Hayden is no longer with us (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057012/) to warn us against interfering with our "vital bodily fluids".

 

At 7/17/2005 2:18 PM, Anonymous Sastra said...

You forget that back in the early '90's Mel Gibson starred in commercials which showed black-garbed government commandos breaking into the home of a man (Gibson) who was just trying to take some vitamin C, guys, please. The purpose? To show what happened if congress failed to "protect" vitamins and alternative medicine from having to follow ordinary regulations on safety and effectiveness before being marketed. Given Gibson's association with other wacky conspiracy views and his background in Hollywood, I say he is a prime candidate to both star as the father AND direct the movie.

 

At 7/17/2005 6:36 PM, Blogger Orac said...

I would dearly love to see that commercial. Does anyone know where there's a link to it?

 

At 7/18/2005 3:08 PM, Anonymous Sastra said...

Sorry, I don't know if the commercial is online or not. I managed to see it a few months ago on a PBS special which dealt with alt med and DSHEA. It was an example of the kind of propaganda being used to absolve vitamins and other "dietary supplements" from having to follow reasonable laws. They actually showed what looked like ninjas putting cuffs on the Gibson character in his own kitchen for the "crime" of trying to take some vitamin C pills. It was framed as a matter of consumer choice and freedom, with accountability somehow morphed into a violent form of fascism.
As I recall, the PBS show stated that congressmen claimed they got more mail in favor of DSHEA than any other issue, ever.

 

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